Tuesday, December 8, 2009

12/7/2009

a not so emotional post... :-)

this morning on the way to they gym i heard the end of this story on NPR.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120985060

For Black Women, Breast Cancer Strikes Younger

Sunday, December 6, 2009

12/6/2009

this is a totally emotional post.

after i was diagnosed i noticed a huge change in my attitude towards lots of things. many things that would've annoyed me before became 'oh well' after. if stuff didn't happen i didnt' let it bother me.  i was really very calm and at peace i guess one could say.

lately however i've noticed getting uppity about lots of things. matt and i have been having arguments again. i'm afraid that as time goes by i'm slipping, slipping, back into the old ways.

i don't want to go back to that. but i don't know what to do. how do i stop it? it wasn't a conscience decision 3 years ago (tomorrow), it just happened. this has me very upset. i feel lost.

there have been many reasons why matt doesn't want to actually marry me, and these last 3 years have been a big step forward, and now we've started to argue again it just reminds me that while we make such a great couple we are so far from spending the rest of our lives together, but for him marriage means something that we'll probably never have.

3 years ago (in 50 minutes) marks the date i was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my life has never been the same. i have learned so much, seen so many beautiful things, experienced things i would never have thought, ever dared to do. and matt has been tehre by my side the entire time. i'd be so lost without him. he's my lobster.