i got a letter from regence insurance company.
all of a sudden (after i've gotten a letter from them stating how much *my portion* of my MRI is) telling me my MRIs are not covered by my policy.
i was diagnosed at age 40 with breast cancer.
i am the 4th female in 3 generations of my family to have been diagnosed.
1 of those women died from ovarian (close relation) cancer.
i may be cancer free right now, but i still have 1 breast and both ovaries, and not a day goes by it doesn't cross my mind.
i feel as if i was handed a death sentence.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
2/12/2010
this week has been a bit emotional. a continuance from last week maybe, i don't know.
did i tell you about my last group? i don't remember, so i'm going to do it now, or again, whichever is 'it'. then i'm going to give you links to the food post (http://camelland-foodie.blogspot.com/) which has a little more info on celebrating 3 years cancer free.
on feb 2nd we had a breast cancer support group meeting. there was a newbie there who had just had her surgery but hadn't started her radiation or anything else. so we went around the circle. that's fine. i actually went last, and as i was saying my name i just teared up. suzi was sitting to my left and i looked at her, giggled and said 'i don't remember the last time i cried when talking about myself'. i caught my breath, and got through my story, added info about the MRI, crossland, getting my needle stick done by 1 of the oncology nurses instead of the MRI tech.
later in the meeting suzi referred to my tears and how all these drugs and just being overwhelmed by all the cancer stuff can make one emotional, and how it stays with you for a while. and yes, i'm taking tamoxifen, which is a pill variant of chemo, and it messes with your hormones. but suzi said something i hadn't thought of, and also made me feel better. she's a little older than me (don't hate me if i get this wrong) i think she's about 60, and she said she still gets really emotional over a lot of silly things, but then she laughs because she realizes she still must have 'all those hormones' which are going crazy and making her emotional.
as i said this week was emotional. captain phil harris, a seattle resident and skipper of the cornelia marie, on discovery channel's deadliest catch. i never met him, but a lot of seattle watches that show as there are several skippers from here on the show, and i guess we feel like we know them even if we never met them. anyway, last year capt'n phil suffered a PE which he survived, amazingly, and then he went back out on the sea. this year, during opellio season, he suffered a stroke while at sea, and he didn't survive. he passed away 2 days ago.
today on a training run up in whistler BC a georgian (former soviet state, not north of florida) luger crashed going about 80-90 mph and after watching the footage of the incident, i don't know how in the world he wouldn't have died instantly. i saw something earlier today on twitter saying he was going 140 - but maybe that was klics, not mph... anyway, he flew up, hit the wall bounced off and over it and tumbled a bit going head-first into one of the concrete pillars that line the track. they tried to revive him but he had to have died instantly. so the games are being dedicated to him.
so 've learned that my emotions are more than worn on my sleeve. if you see me and i'm wearing little wet spots on my shirt i was probably crying over - what's the saying? "i cry at street crossings."
did i tell you about my last group? i don't remember, so i'm going to do it now, or again, whichever is 'it'. then i'm going to give you links to the food post (http://camelland-foodie.blogspot.com/) which has a little more info on celebrating 3 years cancer free.
on feb 2nd we had a breast cancer support group meeting. there was a newbie there who had just had her surgery but hadn't started her radiation or anything else. so we went around the circle. that's fine. i actually went last, and as i was saying my name i just teared up. suzi was sitting to my left and i looked at her, giggled and said 'i don't remember the last time i cried when talking about myself'. i caught my breath, and got through my story, added info about the MRI, crossland, getting my needle stick done by 1 of the oncology nurses instead of the MRI tech.
later in the meeting suzi referred to my tears and how all these drugs and just being overwhelmed by all the cancer stuff can make one emotional, and how it stays with you for a while. and yes, i'm taking tamoxifen, which is a pill variant of chemo, and it messes with your hormones. but suzi said something i hadn't thought of, and also made me feel better. she's a little older than me (don't hate me if i get this wrong) i think she's about 60, and she said she still gets really emotional over a lot of silly things, but then she laughs because she realizes she still must have 'all those hormones' which are going crazy and making her emotional.
as i said this week was emotional. captain phil harris, a seattle resident and skipper of the cornelia marie, on discovery channel's deadliest catch. i never met him, but a lot of seattle watches that show as there are several skippers from here on the show, and i guess we feel like we know them even if we never met them. anyway, last year capt'n phil suffered a PE which he survived, amazingly, and then he went back out on the sea. this year, during opellio season, he suffered a stroke while at sea, and he didn't survive. he passed away 2 days ago.
today on a training run up in whistler BC a georgian (former soviet state, not north of florida) luger crashed going about 80-90 mph and after watching the footage of the incident, i don't know how in the world he wouldn't have died instantly. i saw something earlier today on twitter saying he was going 140 - but maybe that was klics, not mph... anyway, he flew up, hit the wall bounced off and over it and tumbled a bit going head-first into one of the concrete pillars that line the track. they tried to revive him but he had to have died instantly. so the games are being dedicated to him.
so 've learned that my emotions are more than worn on my sleeve. if you see me and i'm wearing little wet spots on my shirt i was probably crying over - what's the saying? "i cry at street crossings."
Sunday, February 7, 2010
2/6/10
today i am 3 years cancer free. it has been an emotional week for me. usually i can discuss breast cancer, mine specifically and joke about it, laugh, tell you anything you want to know. but this week has been different. this week i've started to cry when i think about it.
at group when it was my turn in the circle i started to cry. and today, well, today everytime i've thought about it i've started crying. dinner tonight was emotional, but also very uplifting.
overall today was pretty quiet. matt ran errands most of the afternoon and i took pics. my facebook status read:
"libby landy is celebrating 3 YEARS CANCER FREE!!! hip-hip hooray, Hip-Hip Hooray, HIP-HIP-HOORAY!" thank you to everyone who commented with positive, encouraging thoughts and words.
there are several movies out these last couple months we've wanted to see, and i asked matt if we could get to 1 of them before dinner tonight, so we rushed through showers and made it over to the theatre for the afternoon showing of the new travolta film. gratuitous violence, and a bit predictable, but overall a fun flick.
we got to Cafe Juanita a bit early, but oh well. we sat and waited and talked with sarah for a bit while the other couple finished up and they turned our table. we hadn't seen mason since before christmas and when he caught sight of matt (his hands full of plates on their way to some hungry person) he just stopped and had to take a look. i think it's fair to say he was stunned to see matt without hair. kristen and jim walked past and said congratulations.
sarah had put us in jim's section which was kind of nice. it'd been a while since we were served by him. i won't bother you with all the dinner tales here, check out my food blog for the corresponding date post (hopefully up before valentines day). www.camelland-foodie.blogspot.com. when david brought the champagne he congratulated me on my 3 years as we talked while he popped the cork.
several times throughout the course of dinner i started to cry. one of my trips to the ladies' i passed lori who was getting wine glasses and she congratulated me on my 3 years. we joked lightly about it but i wanted to cry again. yes i've been open with everyone about this, and the crew at CJ is not an exception. don't get me wrong, i have never wished i kept it secret. i guess part of me wished the whole restuarant knew so i could jsut start bawling and not draw stares or whispers.
at one point through dinner matt asked jim if chef would be able to swing by and he didn't think it likely as the other tables would also want to talk with her - and they were very busy. there were 5 other celebrations that we saw, but that we could stop by the counter on our way out. so on 1 of my many (yes i have a tiny tank) trips past the kitchen to the ladies' i hear jim repeating my name. when i finally get my brain to process that he's calling my name and respond he points to the bar and says "holly". when i look over she's looking at me, waiting for me to come over. so i get over there, skirting everyone trying to prepare drinks and pick up plates. she was so nice, complimented me on my dress, and thanking us for allowing them to be a part of this important night. i thanked her and let her know matt wanted to to say hi before we left. i figured that as busy as she was that was probably it (turns out they were down a chef that night). but she said she'd come out. "are you sure? we're all the way back in the corner". "it's fine, i'll say hi then run back and hide in my corner." or something like that. i thought it was really nice. we talked for about 5 minutes at the table. matt even invited her to dinner at our place some time in the future.
when they brought out dessert they had written 'happy 3rd anniversary libby' on the plate which was nice.
as i was getting my coat from the hook and putting it on sarah came over to say goodbye and chef holly came out of the kitchen, which i definitely didn't expect after she came to the table earlier. i thanked them again for a great dinner and gave them both a teary hug as i was starting to cry again. we talked for another 10 minutes or so.
it was a really nice dinner, with enough left-overs for a full meal for both matt and myself tomorrow. we plan on biking around lake sammamish. i hope we will see eagles. i'm still crying. it's been 3 years but for some reason it feels like i was diagnosed yesterday. maybe that's a good thing. maybe it's a way for me to remember my mortality. that i have had to face certain things that many people will never understand. maybe it's just what i need, every so often, to remember certain things about life. about humanity. about respect, appreciation and patience.
at group when it was my turn in the circle i started to cry. and today, well, today everytime i've thought about it i've started crying. dinner tonight was emotional, but also very uplifting.
overall today was pretty quiet. matt ran errands most of the afternoon and i took pics. my facebook status read:
"libby landy is celebrating 3 YEARS CANCER FREE!!! hip-hip hooray, Hip-Hip Hooray, HIP-HIP-HOORAY!" thank you to everyone who commented with positive, encouraging thoughts and words.
there are several movies out these last couple months we've wanted to see, and i asked matt if we could get to 1 of them before dinner tonight, so we rushed through showers and made it over to the theatre for the afternoon showing of the new travolta film. gratuitous violence, and a bit predictable, but overall a fun flick.
we got to Cafe Juanita a bit early, but oh well. we sat and waited and talked with sarah for a bit while the other couple finished up and they turned our table. we hadn't seen mason since before christmas and when he caught sight of matt (his hands full of plates on their way to some hungry person) he just stopped and had to take a look. i think it's fair to say he was stunned to see matt without hair. kristen and jim walked past and said congratulations.
sarah had put us in jim's section which was kind of nice. it'd been a while since we were served by him. i won't bother you with all the dinner tales here, check out my food blog for the corresponding date post (hopefully up before valentines day). www.camelland-foodie.blogspot.com. when david brought the champagne he congratulated me on my 3 years as we talked while he popped the cork.
several times throughout the course of dinner i started to cry. one of my trips to the ladies' i passed lori who was getting wine glasses and she congratulated me on my 3 years. we joked lightly about it but i wanted to cry again. yes i've been open with everyone about this, and the crew at CJ is not an exception. don't get me wrong, i have never wished i kept it secret. i guess part of me wished the whole restuarant knew so i could jsut start bawling and not draw stares or whispers.
at one point through dinner matt asked jim if chef would be able to swing by and he didn't think it likely as the other tables would also want to talk with her - and they were very busy. there were 5 other celebrations that we saw, but that we could stop by the counter on our way out. so on 1 of my many (yes i have a tiny tank) trips past the kitchen to the ladies' i hear jim repeating my name. when i finally get my brain to process that he's calling my name and respond he points to the bar and says "holly". when i look over she's looking at me, waiting for me to come over. so i get over there, skirting everyone trying to prepare drinks and pick up plates. she was so nice, complimented me on my dress, and thanking us for allowing them to be a part of this important night. i thanked her and let her know matt wanted to to say hi before we left. i figured that as busy as she was that was probably it (turns out they were down a chef that night). but she said she'd come out. "are you sure? we're all the way back in the corner". "it's fine, i'll say hi then run back and hide in my corner." or something like that. i thought it was really nice. we talked for about 5 minutes at the table. matt even invited her to dinner at our place some time in the future.
when they brought out dessert they had written 'happy 3rd anniversary libby' on the plate which was nice.
as i was getting my coat from the hook and putting it on sarah came over to say goodbye and chef holly came out of the kitchen, which i definitely didn't expect after she came to the table earlier. i thanked them again for a great dinner and gave them both a teary hug as i was starting to cry again. we talked for another 10 minutes or so.
it was a really nice dinner, with enough left-overs for a full meal for both matt and myself tomorrow. we plan on biking around lake sammamish. i hope we will see eagles. i'm still crying. it's been 3 years but for some reason it feels like i was diagnosed yesterday. maybe that's a good thing. maybe it's a way for me to remember my mortality. that i have had to face certain things that many people will never understand. maybe it's just what i need, every so often, to remember certain things about life. about humanity. about respect, appreciation and patience.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
1/29/2010
today i had my oncology appointment. i had made it for 9am, thinking i'd beat most of the patients to slip the actual time further and further back. it was a good idea in theory.
i got there just on time - ok, 4 minutes late by their clock, and had to wait 5-10 minutes before getting called back. as we walked past dr. crossland's office it looked as if she had just arrived. so maybe she got stuck in traffic.
my weight was 109, bp was 106/68. at 9:30 dr. crossland walks in and says something about being late, but that she had a memo the MRI report was being sent over and she was waiting for it, and it finally dropped in right at 9:30. so maybe there was a slight exaggeration there, i don't care. the important thing is the result of the MRI. "normal". YAY!
we had the usual chat - anything new, any problems, same old. i think by now i can waive posting what the MRI actually said, but if someone wants to know the verbatim, comment or email and i'll dig it back out from where i'll be putting it and add it in.
i mentioned the 'rash' thing around the left nipple-area and she admitted slight puzzlement. she said she knew of some medications creating a side-affect of skin reactions, but nothing like this, and nothing related to tamoxifen. she thought it had to be an irritant due to my extra workouts at the gym, due to sweating, and said it'd be an interesting experiment to see if either of them would do anything.
1- get one of those 'jock-itch' type creams and use that, JIC there's a little yeast thing happening.
2- get not a prosthetic, but like a bra pad for a boob - i think gals you know what i mean, some swimsuits have that thin padded thing in the bra that you take out when you wash the suit, that kind of thing, and use that during my cardio workouts.
the last good thing that came out of my appointment was i have now graduated to yearly appointments! WOOT!
i got there just on time - ok, 4 minutes late by their clock, and had to wait 5-10 minutes before getting called back. as we walked past dr. crossland's office it looked as if she had just arrived. so maybe she got stuck in traffic.
my weight was 109, bp was 106/68. at 9:30 dr. crossland walks in and says something about being late, but that she had a memo the MRI report was being sent over and she was waiting for it, and it finally dropped in right at 9:30. so maybe there was a slight exaggeration there, i don't care. the important thing is the result of the MRI. "normal". YAY!
we had the usual chat - anything new, any problems, same old. i think by now i can waive posting what the MRI actually said, but if someone wants to know the verbatim, comment or email and i'll dig it back out from where i'll be putting it and add it in.
i mentioned the 'rash' thing around the left nipple-area and she admitted slight puzzlement. she said she knew of some medications creating a side-affect of skin reactions, but nothing like this, and nothing related to tamoxifen. she thought it had to be an irritant due to my extra workouts at the gym, due to sweating, and said it'd be an interesting experiment to see if either of them would do anything.
1- get one of those 'jock-itch' type creams and use that, JIC there's a little yeast thing happening.
2- get not a prosthetic, but like a bra pad for a boob - i think gals you know what i mean, some swimsuits have that thin padded thing in the bra that you take out when you wash the suit, that kind of thing, and use that during my cardio workouts.
the last good thing that came out of my appointment was i have now graduated to yearly appointments! WOOT!
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