2/6/10

today i am 3 years cancer free. it has been an emotional week for me. usually i can discuss breast cancer, mine specifically and joke about it, laugh, tell you anything you want to know. but this week has been different. this week i've started to cry when i think about it.

at group when it was my turn in the circle i started to cry. and today, well, today everytime i've thought about it i've started crying. dinner tonight was emotional, but also very uplifting.

overall today was pretty quiet. matt ran errands most of the afternoon and i took pics. my facebook status read:
"libby landy is celebrating 3 YEARS CANCER FREE!!! hip-hip hooray, Hip-Hip Hooray, HIP-HIP-HOORAY!" thank you to everyone who commented with positive, encouraging thoughts and words.

there are several movies out these last couple months we've wanted to see, and i asked matt if we could get to 1 of them before dinner tonight, so we rushed through showers and made it over to the theatre for the afternoon showing of the new travolta film. gratuitous violence, and a bit predictable, but overall a fun flick.

we got to Cafe Juanita a bit early, but oh well. we sat and waited and talked with sarah for a bit while the other couple finished up and they turned our table. we hadn't seen mason since before christmas and when he caught sight of matt (his hands full of plates on their way to some hungry person) he just stopped and had to take a look. i think it's fair to say he was stunned to see matt without hair. kristen and jim walked past and said congratulations.

sarah had put us in jim's section which was kind of nice. it'd been a while since we were served by him. i won't bother you with all the dinner tales here, check out my food blog for the corresponding date post (hopefully up before valentines day). www.camelland-foodie.blogspot.com. when david brought the champagne he congratulated me on my 3 years as we talked while he popped the cork.

several times throughout the course of dinner i started to cry. one of my trips to the ladies' i passed lori who was getting wine glasses and she congratulated me on my 3 years. we joked lightly about it but i wanted to cry again. yes i've been open with everyone about this, and the crew at CJ is not an exception. don't get me wrong, i have never wished i kept it secret. i guess part of me wished the whole restuarant knew so i could jsut start bawling and not draw stares or whispers.

at one point through dinner matt asked jim if chef would be able to swing by and he didn't think it likely as the other tables would also want to talk with her - and they were very busy. there were 5 other celebrations that we saw, but that we could stop by the counter on our way out. so on 1 of my many (yes i have a tiny tank) trips past the kitchen to the ladies' i hear jim repeating my name. when i finally get my brain to process that he's calling my name and respond he points to the bar and says "holly". when i look over she's looking at me, waiting for me to come over. so i get over there, skirting everyone trying to prepare drinks and pick up plates. she was so nice, complimented me on my dress, and thanking us for allowing them to be a part of this important night. i thanked her and let her know matt wanted to to say hi before we left. i figured that as busy as she was that was probably it (turns out they were down a chef that night).  but she said she'd come out. "are you sure? we're all the way back in the corner". "it's fine, i'll say hi then run back and hide in my corner." or something like that. i thought it was really nice. we talked for about 5 minutes at the table. matt even invited her to dinner at our place some time in the future.

when they brought out dessert they had written 'happy 3rd anniversary libby' on the plate which was nice.

as i was getting my coat from the hook and putting it on sarah came over to say goodbye and  chef holly came out of the kitchen, which i definitely didn't expect after she came to the table earlier. i thanked them again for a great dinner and gave them both a teary hug as i was starting to cry again. we talked for another 10 minutes or so.

it was a really nice dinner, with enough left-overs for a full meal for both matt and myself tomorrow. we plan on biking around lake sammamish. i hope we will see eagles. i'm still crying. it's been 3 years but for some reason it feels like i was diagnosed yesterday. maybe that's a good thing. maybe it's a way for me to remember my mortality. that i have had to face certain things that many people will never understand. maybe it's just what i need, every so often, to remember certain things about life. about humanity. about respect, appreciation and patience.